Why People Take Advantage of You in Relationships And How to Break the Cycle
- Monica Kalra
- Mar 7
- 4 min read
I know what it’s like to keep giving and giving, that’s how I always was, only to feel unappreciated all the time. I used to think that if I just loved more, compromised more, and kept the peace, things would change.
But instead, I found myself exhausted, wondering: "Why do people keep taking advantage of me?" "Why do they take me for granted?"
For the longest time, I thought the answer was to give even more so I found myself on a treadmill trying to be even nicer and even more understanding. But here’s what I’ve learned:
Kindness isn’t the problem. But when kindness comes without self-respect, it leads to self-sacrifice.
If you’ve ever felt used, undervalued, or emotionally drained in your relationships, whether romantic, friendships, or even with family, then keep reading.
Because it’s time to break this cycle.
4 Reasons people take advantage of you in relationships
1️. You avoid conflict to ‘keep the peace’
I see this all the time, people remain silent, let things go, just to avoid an argument.
I get it. I used to do the same thing.
I told myself that if I just didn’t make a big deal out of things, the relationship would be smoother. I also thought that if I kept the peace, it would mean I was being a good partner, friend, daughter, etc.
But here’s what happens when you avoid conflict:
🔹 You train people to believe your needs don’t matter.
🔹 You end up holding in frustration until it turns into resentment.
🔹 You become emotionally exhausted from constantly bending to other’s needs.
And guess what?
Avoiding conflict doesn’t mean avoiding problems, it just means you’re the only one suffering from them.
✅ How to change this:
The next time you feel disrespected, instead of shrinking or staying silent, try saying:
"I value this relationship, but I also value my feelings. I’d like to talk about this."
This isn’t about being confrontational. It’s about being seen and heard.
2️. You over-give without expecting anything in return
Culturally, I learned quite early on in my life that love meant giving without limits. That if I just gave enough, people would love me back the way I wanted.
I’d put everyone’s needs first. I’d be the one who always adjusted, always sacrificed. But what happens when you constantly give and never receive?
You start to feel empty. And slowly, you start to resent the people you once loved.
The truth is: Love is not about proving your worth. Love is about mutual care.
✅ How to change this:
Ask yourself:
🔹 “Am I giving because I genuinely want to, or because I’m afraid of losing them?”
🔹 “Would they do the same for me?”
If the answer is no, it’s time to rebalance the relationship.
3️. You struggle to set boundaries (or feel guilty about it)
I used to think that setting boundaries meant I was being selfish. That saying no meant I was being rude.
But here’s what I’ve learned:
❌ People who respect you will respect your boundaries.
❌ People who get angry at your boundaries were benefiting from your lack of them.
Boundaries don’t push people away. They filter out the ones who were never invested in you.
✅ How to Change This:
If setting a boundary makes you uncomfortable, remind yourself:
"My boundaries don’t exist to make others comfortable. They exist to protect me."
You are not responsible for how someone reacts to your self-respect.
4️. You seek validation through being ‘nice’
If you:
✔ Constantly try to please others
✔ Feel anxious when someone is upset with you
✔ Believe that being ‘nice’ will make you more lovable
Then I want you to ask yourself this:
Are you being kind because it’s who you are, or because you’re afraid of not being liked?
Being a good person and being a people-pleaser are not the same thing.
✅ How to change this:
Next time you find yourself over-explaining, over-giving, or saying yes when you want to say no, pause and ask:
"Would I still do this if I knew they wouldn’t like me more for it?"
Because love, real love, isn’t something you earn. It’s something you deserve.
Breaking the cycle: How to be kind without being taken for granted
Being a kind, giving person is a strength.
But self-respect is what protects that strength.
If you don’t want to be taken for granted:
✅ Communicate openly. Don’t suppress your feelings just to avoid tension.
✅ Set boundaries with confidence. Protect your energy and emotional well-being.
✅ Prioritise mutual effort. Relationships should feel balanced, not one-sided.
✅ Stop over-explaining. You deserve to be heard without justifying yourself.
✅ Let go of the need for approval. You are enough as you are.
Because real love doesn’t require you to shrink, over-give, or prove yourself. It meets you where you are.
P.S. Have you ever felt like your kindness was mistaken for weakness? Drop a YES or NO in the comments, I’d love to hear your experience!
I'm Monica Kalra, a certified relationship and divorce coach, helping women and men navigate relationship struggles and the emotional challenges of divorce with confidence and clarity.
You don’t have to navigate this alone. If co-parenting has been emotionally draining, let’s talk. Book a free Solutions Session, and let’s find a way to bring more peace into your co-parenting journey.
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