When You’ve Outgrown the Version of You
- Monica Kalra
- Jul 13
- 3 min read
You look around at your life and it "should" feel right.
You did everything “right.”
Built the life. Chose the partner. Followed the plan.
But something’s… off.
Not broken. Just misaligned.
Like living in a house that still looks beautiful on the outside but no longer feels like home on the inside.
And when you trace it back, you realise:
The version of you who chose all this…
wasn’t the version of you who’s here now.
Why We Stay Even When We’ve Outgrown It
So many thoughtful, high-performing professionals find themselves in this quiet place.
Not in crisis. Not in chaos.
Just… unsure.
Because the life they built was based on an earlier version of themselves, a version shaped by survival, performance, pleasing, or simply doing what made sense at the time.
According to a study from the University of Missouri, many adults make major life decisions, including career and relationship choices, based on an identity formed in early adulthood. Yet most people experience significant identity shifts between their late 30s and early 50s. It’s normal. But rarely talked about.
And yet, when the shift takes place, it feels like something is “wrong.”
You wonder why you’re restless.
Why the life that once fit… suddenly feels too small.
Why your relationship feels safe, but distant.
Why you crave something you can’t quite name.
“The way you live must be aligned with who you are, or you will suffer.”— Martha Beck
This isn’t just about a relationship or a career.
It’s about identity. Integrity. And becoming.
How You Know You’ve Outgrown the Version of You Who Chose This
Here are some signs that you’re not stuck, you’re evolving:
You feel emotionally flat, even when everything looks “fine”
You’re tired, not from doing too much but from being who you had to be
You feel guilty for wanting more even though you can’t ignore the pain
You fantasise about disappearing or starting over, but don’t know how
You resist stillness, because slowing down might reveal truths you’re not ready to face
This is identity misalignment.
Psychologist Dr. Tara Mohr describes this as the moment when our “Inner Mentor” starts calling us forward, while our old self clings to safety.
And from a nervous system lens, staying in environments that don’t reflect our growth can activate subtle dysregulation; a chronic feeling of unease, overthinking, or emotional shutdown.
“Stuckness is not the absence of movement. It’s the presence of invisible tension between your old identity and your emerging self.” - Monica Kalra
Now: A Gentle Reflection
If this resonates, it’s not a crisis.
It’s a beginning.
The beginning of coming home to yourself, not the version you had to be, but the version you long to become.
This week, take a moment to reflect on this:
“Where in your life are you still being who you used to be… instead of who you want to be now?”
Let this question land.
Not to force a decision.
But to start listening again.
Because the life you’re craving,
It’s not “out there.”
It’s waiting for the version of you who’s ready to choose differently.
P.S. If you feel like you’re ready to move forward; in your life, your identity, or your next chapter — reach out.
I have 2 spots open in my calendar right now, and I’d be honoured to support you.
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