When Women Cheat and He’s the One Betrayed

The truth no one talks about… but too many women carry in silence.

She was still wearing the ring… but she hadn’t felt like herself in years.

She was still married. And she was sleeping with someone else.

Not because she didn’t care.

Not because she wanted to hurt him.

But because somewhere along the way,

she stopped recognising herself in the mirror.

And with him, the other one,

she felt seen again.

This story makes people uncomfortable.

Because we’re used to hearing about men who cheat.

We’ve normalised it.

Explained it.

Even expected it.

But when a woman cheats?

The judgement hits harder.

The silence cuts deeper.

And the shame?

It buries her alive.

But here’s what you may not know:

🔹 1 in 5 married women report having had an affair. ( Institute for Family Studies, 2020)

🔹 Many don’t do it out of thrill or lust, they do it out of emptiness.

🔹 And they rarely talk about it because society has no space for the woman who breaks the vow.

“I wasn’t trying to destroy my marriage,” one woman told me.

“I just wanted to feel something again.”

So why do some women cheat?

Not all stories are the same,

but many follow a similar emotional thread.

🔸 She stopped feeling heard.

🔸 She started feeling invisible.

🔸 She buried her needs for years.

🔸 She gave, and gave, and gave,

until she was drained dry.

And then someone came along.

And noticed her.

Not as a mum.

Not as a peacekeeper.

Not as a “strong woman.”

But as her.

The Psychology Behind the Betrayal

🔍 “Women’s affairs are less about sex, more about longing.”- Dr. Tammy Nelson, When You’re the One Who Cheats

🔍 “Infidelity is often an expression of desire, not just for another person, but for another self.” - Esther Perel, The State of Affairs

Underneath the betrayal is often a deeper betrayal:

👉 Of her own voice.

👉 Of her own needs.

👉 Of the version of herself she abandoned in the marriage.

But this doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt him.

Of course it did.

Men feel the betrayal too.

The heartbreak.

The confusion.

The collapse of trust.

But what’s often missed is this:

Cheating doesn’t always begin with desire.

Sometimes, it begins with disconnection.

With silence.

With emotional starvation.

With too many nights where she cried quietly and pretended it was fine.

This blog isn’t here to justify anything.

It’s here to name what’s rarely said.

To unmask the shame.

To say: sometimes the woman who cheats isn’t a villain.

She’s a woman who forgot how to speak her truth.

“Before I betrayed him,” one woman said,

“I had been betraying myself for years.”

If this is your story, whichever side you’re on, here’s what I want you to know:

You’re not broken.

You’re not alone.

And you don’t have to carry this in silence.

The healing begins not in the blame…

But in the brave reflection of what was missing - in you, in him, in the relationship.

You can’t undo what happened.

But you can choose what happens next.

Not from shame.

But from self-honesty.

P.S.

If this stirred something in you, take my free Relationship Clarity Quiz.

It’s a gentle, safe way to understand what you might need most right now.

👉 Take the Quiz or forward it to a friend who needs this.