The Over-Full Identity: When Carrying It All Costs You Yourself

I’ve become the one who carries it all.

The deadlines.

The team.

The family.

The emotional weight no one else even notices.

At first, it feels like strength.

Like proof of capability.

You tell yourself it’s just a busy season.

But somehow, the season never ends.

Over time, it becomes something else,

A backpack so heavy you forget what it feels like to stand tall.

The Metaphor of the Plate

We often talk about having “too much on our plate.”

But for many professionals I work with, the plate isn’t just full,

It’s overflowing.

And here’s the problem:

When the plate overflows, what slips first?

Your own voice and with it, your spark.

• A Deloitte survey found that 77 % of professionals experience burnout at their current job, and nearly half say it happens often.

  
  

• Research from the University of California shows that when people chronically carry more responsibility than support, their cognitive bandwidth decreases by 13 %, the equivalent of losing a night of sleep.

  
  

No wonder so many brilliant people feel stuck, foggy, or flat.

The Trap of the Over-Full Identity

We don’t just carry tasks.

We carry identities:

– The reliable one.

– The strong one.

– The one who holds it together for everyone.

But here’s the truth:

Responsibility without reciprocity isn’t leadership.

It’s a trap.

And the cost of that trap is you.

As poet Mary Oliver asked:

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

If your answer is, “Keep holding everything for everyone else,” 

maybe it’s time to pause.

The Reframe

What if leadership isn’t about carrying it all?

What if it’s about deciding what’s truly yours to carry

And what belongs to others?

Because when you set one thing down, you don’t lose your identity.

You regain yourself.

This week, ask yourself: “If I put one thing down, what might I finally hear?”

And if this feels like you, if your plate is overflowing and you’ve lost the sound of your own voice, start here:

👉 Take the 2-minute Reignite Your Spark Assessment and see if you’re stuck in stagnation, self-doubt, or disconnection. It will give you instant clarity on where you are and what’s costing you most.

Because carrying it all isn’t strength.

Reclaiming yourself is.