What if it wasn’t you? Reclaim your self-trust
- Monica Kalra
- Mar 29
- 3 min read
Updated: Mar 29
Have you ever caught yourself thinking:
“Why do I always doubt myself?”
“Why can't I trust my gut anymore?”
“Maybe something’s wrong with me.”
I want to pause you right there and ask — what if it wasn’t you?
What if your self-doubt isn’t a flaw in your character…but a natural response to emotional conditioning?
To the way you’ve been treated over time?
Maybe it was a partner.
A parent.
Or even a culture that taught you your feelings didn’t matter.
That told you you were too much.
That made you question your pain or instincts.
And over time — you began to believe them.
This is not your fault.
So many of the women I work with carry this invisible weight.
They struggle with trusting themselves after a relationship that made them feel uncertain, dismissed, or emotionally unsafe.
They’re afraid of making the wrong decision.
They don’t know what’s true for them anymore.
They feel like they’ve lost themselves.
And it’s not because they’re weak.
It’s because they were slowly made to feel small.
To doubt their own voice.
To believe they were always the problem.
It lives in your body.
In your nervous system.
In the quiet whisper of your inner voice that says, “I don’t know anymore.”
So how do we begin to trust ourselves again?
Here are three gentle starting points I guide my clients through when they're healing from self-doubt or emotional manipulation in relationships:
1. Understand the inner critic is trying to protect you
That voice in your head that questions everything?
It’s not trying to hurt you. It's trying to protect you from repeating pain. It thinks overthinking will keep you safe.
But, now, it needs a new role - not to control you, but to support you with compassion.
2. Listen to your body’s signals
Your body is deeply intelligent.
It tightens when something feels off. It softens when you're safe.
Learning to listen to these signals is the first step in nervous system healing and rebuilding self-trust.
3. Look back with kindness
You don’t need to relive the past to heal it.
But you do need to bring love to the moments where trust was broken.
Instead of blaming yourself for what you didn't know, start thanking yourself for surviving it.
You’re not stuck, you're simply protecting yourself from feeling that pain again.
A small practice to begin
Tonight, place your hand on your heart and whisper to yourself:
“I see you. I believe you. I’m learning to trust you again.”
It might feel unfamiliar or even emotional.
That’s okay.
That’s healing.
This is the beginning of re-connecting with the one person you’ll always have: yourself.
You’re not broken. You are healing.
And your healing is allowed to be slow, sacred, and supported.
There is no rush.
Only a journey back to yourself.
Ready to reclaim your voice and self-trust?
If this spoke to something deep inside you, I’d love to hear:
Where are you on your journey of self-trust right now?
Let’s begin that conversation.
If you're ready to start reclaiming your self-trust and would like support, you don’t have to do it alone. You’re welcome to book a free Solutions session with me here: https://calendly.com/monicakalra/30min
I’m Monica Kalra, a certified relationship and divorce coach, and the author of two award-winning books. I help professional women rebuild self-trust, reclaim their voice, and recreate a life, before, during, and after divorce, with clarity, confidence, and courage.
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